OK, I know everyone is amazed that this is the 3rd post today, but I’ll keep rolling while I can. I was introduced to a new blog today called Musum Pontificalis. I think it will be funny to most people, but I’m pretty sure the vast majority of conservative Catholics will find it hilarious. It’s a spoof site pretending to be the musings of Pope Benedict XVI. Here are some highlights to convince you to go over and read it:

The ‘About Me':
“Basically, I’m just your average Joe. I like to drink beer and muse like everyone else. I love the Good Lord with all my heart and He has blessed me immensely, for which I am eternally grateful.”

On HTML:
“I am really enjoying my vacation. So far, the better part of it has been spent trying to figure out this darn HTML code stuff. They made it so you can use both < "i"> and < "em"> tags, yet I have found that they don’t always work together. Relativists! They frustrate me to no end.”

On Seinfeld:
“A few co-workers and I were standing around the water-cooler discussing Seinfeld reruns when the conversation switched gears and became a heated debate. I don’t want to be a namedropper, but these colleagues were Cardinals Ruini and Mahony.”

On Beer:
“A very dear and thoughtful friend brought me a gift from the United States. Not to be a namedropper, but it was Archbishop Levada. I was honored by his gesture and humbly accepted his generous gift. The gift was a much-appreciated case of Budweiser. I thought to myself, “ah, how exciting; it’s been a while since you’ve enjoyed a good pilsner, Joey.”

That evening, after work, I cracked one open. Having fond memories of drinking Budweiser that had been smuggled in from Czechoslovakia, I was anxious to experience that poetic dance of barley and hops upon my palate once again.

What a surprise I was in for. Far from being the smooth, yet complex pilsner I was accustomed to fifty years ago, I found it utterly repugnant and it instantly gave me a headache. For a moment I had even wondered if certain Jesuits had poisoned me.

I began to reflect on the situation and realized that my negative experience was the expected consequence of Relativism. You see; this is precisely what happens in a Relativistic society. Terms like “good beer” become subjective. In this case, even the word “beer” seems to be subjective. Society can no longer trust labels and there is no honor to a man’s word.”

On modern technology:
“I marvel at modern technology and what can be done with it; if it were only used for good the world would be a much better place. As I am musing to you via my Blackberry, I was struck by how modern technology, particularly computer code, demonstrates to us how unworkable the Relativist system is.
…
Anyway, the stewardess has just informed me that I am not allowed to use cellular devices on the plane, so I have to go.”

On web browsers:
“You see, dear children, your Papa was unwittingly operating contrary to the principles laid out in the encyclical by Pope Leo XIII of happy memory, Rerum Novarum. In using the browser that came packaged with my computer’s operating system, I was supporting the efforts of a monopoly bent on dictating the market and denying computer programmers their dignity to create and market superior products that will benefit all of society, especially the poor.

As is so often the case with issues of social injustice, you can find Relativism in operation behind the scenes. Considering the web browser issue, the relativist would say the common good is defined by whoever controls the market. To them, the only operating principle is the power to control, and there are no principles directing the means to gain that control.

The resulting consequences are price gouging, lack of innovation, inconsistently applied standards and their forfeiting of security in order to maintain their dual monopoly in the market place.

For this reason, Fr. Norbert is going to install something called Firefox. He informs me that it will change the way I browse forever. He has also assured me that it is the product of benevolent individuals working for the common good, rather than the fruits of a monopoly or some socialist utopian scheme thought up by some Jesuits.”

On his brother:
“You see dear children, when George and I were young, we used to play priest. Oh what fun we had! One day when we were playing, George said that he just got word from Rome, that there was a conclave and the cardinals elected him pope, and that as his first pontifical act he was going to excommunicate me for using his football without asking (that is a soccer ball to you Americans).

I was so upset that I was beside myself. I begged him to lift the excommunication, but he refused. He held that thing over my head for years it seemed. It may not seem like a big deal now, but at the time I was traumatized over the whole thing. What is beautiful about Providence is that there really was a conclave and take a wild guess as to who was elected pope? That’s right – your Papa Ratzi. Perhaps when George is released from the hospital and we know everything is OK, I’ll remind him of the time he “borrowed” my bicycle without asking.”

Great stuff, don’t you think?

This entry was posted on Friday, August 5th, 2005 at 9:21 am and is filed under Catholicism. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.