What my family is known for…

Since we’re on the topic, I figured it would be fun to elaborate on what my family is well known for:

-Bulldozers: We’re a family of bulldozers. If you’re in our way, watch out! You could get flattened. Whereas my wife’s family is known for their peace-making and consciously going out of their way not to criticize anyone or point out when they’re wrong, my family aches for the opportunity to run you over and show you what kind of an idiot you are. And I don’t say “what kind of an idiot you are” as a euphemism. We’ll literally break down all of the different types of idiots there are and explain why you fit in the category you do. (Credit goes to Seth Hensley for coming up with the term.)

-Knuckle Scrapers: This speaks to both our personalities and our physical attributes. There is something primal about the short legs and arms that characterize my family. The short legs in particular suggest that our knuckles might scrape the ground if we weren’t careful, particularly if we hunched over as we are all too likely to do. But just as well as it describes our physical appearance it describes a personality aspect of ours. Crawford’s are survivors and not just because of our mechanical skills. We can out-sweat, out-shiver, out-stink, out-bleed, out-eat (no question here), out-starve, out-sprain (as opposed to break), and in most other ways out-last other people. We may not catch the gazelle, but I’ve got money on the Crawford when the bear comes into the tent. The uglier it gets, the more likely a Crawford is going to end up on top. (Credit goes to Paul Swagerty for helping me think up the term.)

-Fundamentalists: I don’t mean this in the religious sense of the term. I mean in an over arching sense. We think in fundamental terms. We don’t get bogged down in nuanced thought. Nope, it’s the cold hard facts that matter to us. As opposed to appealing to emotion or difficult scenarios, we’ll bulldoze right through those and force everything into whatever fundamental categories we’re bulldozing you with (like what type of an idiot you are).

-Irresistible force meets immovable object: This has two aspects as well. First, we take great pride in being stubborn. And there’s nothing you can do to change it! Second, whenever Crawford’s come together you can expect explosive conversations. Explosive like the irresistible force meeting the immovable object. (Credit goes to my Dad for constantly repeating this mantra of our family.)

-Jovial: This is the first of two redeeming quality of the Crawfords. We love to laugh and have a good time. We love to cheer and generally be excited. Part of why we have explosive conversations is for the fun of it. Don’t sit next to us at a football game if you don’t want to hear some yelling (this includes both Jovial and Bulldozing/Knuckle scraping aspects). Our favorite way to have a good time besides cheering is to laugh. We’ll make jokes all day long and as long as they’re funny to us, we’ll keep them rolling. On the down side, we often lean towards sarcasm and mocking in our humor. Luckily, we do really great bad impressions, particularly of those in the family.

-Thick skinned: Just like with the knuckle scraper, it refers to both a physical and emotional aspect of the Crawfords. We do seem to physically have thick skin. It helps in our ability to out-bleed others. But thank God for this attribute in an emotional sense because with all the above primal and seemingly unforgiving aspects, one would think we’d never be able to get along with anyone. But we’re not. We’re generally well liked once people get to know us and a big part of that is because of our ability to not let stuff bother us (as well as our otherwise jovial nature). At first I was going to write that we were quick to forgive but in reality we never let stuff bother us in the first place. In fact, we didn’t know that it was supposed to bother us. What knuckle scraper would know that?

I think that about sums up my family. We take great pride in who we are. It may seem harsh at first but it’s really not. It’s really a lot of fun. Want to come over for dinner some time?

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