This video from the Emmy Awards is hilarious.  Every time I see more of Steven Colbert I keep telling myself I need to watch his show.  Maybe if Amazing Race 10 jumps the shark this season I can switch what the one show I watch is…

There was an interesting discussion on another Catholic blog about who he’s making fun of.  Some dislike him because they think his humor is pointed at conservative religious people and “the joke is on us”.  And in some sense they are right.  However, I’m reminded of the odd discussions regarding the movie Taladega Nights and the liberals who couldn’t understand why southerners or conservatives could like this movie that was making fun of them.

What people like this is forget what the point of parody is: to exagerate.  See, life is about balance.  You can’t be all about one thing.  Parody gives to opportunity to exagerate portions of one’s life that are always in that constant battle for balance.  So I can laugh when someone calls me a bulldozer because I know there is truth in it.  But it is not a complete truth, nor does it define me.  It’s funny to think about what life would be like if we lacked that balance.

So, to take an example from this video, nobody, even somebody who believed it, would go up on stage and say “Good evening Godless Sodomites”.  It’s a parody of the truth and there is humor in it even for those, heck ESPECIALLY for those, who have leanings that direction.

Well, Tedford finally put an end to the charade we all knew it was.  Longshore is going to get the start at Tennessee over Ayoob.  Tedford says that Ayoob will probably play “as the flow of the game” warrants.  Which to me means “If Longshore sucks it up, I’ll put in Ayoob.”

I’m hopeful we won’t have to worry about that.  Longshore impressed me in the 1/2 game he played last year and although I think he’ll have trouble if the pocket doesn’t hold up, I have faith that Tedford will be have a game-plan that avoids lots of drop-back situations.  I expect to see a similar game-plan to BYU: Lot’s of wide-reciever screens, slant passes, quick come-backers and of course, a Lynch’ing ground game.

Last night I got home from work and there was a big envelope waiting for me on the counter.  “What could this be?” I thought to myself.  Then I saw the return address… my heart lept in my chest…

Could it be!?!

Could it be!?!

Yes, they’re finally here!  It’s my cherished Cal Bears season tickets.  Just like I requested, the same as last year: Seats DD 44 1-3 and DD 45 1-2.  Two rows, right on the edge, right by the tunnel where I don’t have anyone sitting in front of me.  Oh yeah!!!

And while I’ve got you, as with most years, the tickets come with two coupons each for free tickets for the worst non-conference game on the slate.  That would be Portland State.  Having 5 season tickets, I have 10 Portland State coupons.  If you’re interested in getting into that game for free, let me know.

I’m not usually a fan of Scott Ostler, but this column was hilarious. Here are some choice quotes:

There’s nothing a team, a coach and a fan base prize more in their quarterback than mobility … unless the mobile quarterback is losing games, in which case, there’s nothing more highly prized than a quarterback who stands in the damn pocket like a man instead of skittering like he’s leading a prison break.

Or how about:

Health is a problem right now among backups. Walter has a bum throwing shoulder. Longshore (possible starter) has a bad back. Levy will take one more week to rehab from a rare condition, beer-mug elbow.

Beer-mug elbow… priceless.

There’s an interesting point/counter point opinion duel at Forbes.com about whether career women make bad wives.

My first thought is to quote Benjamin Disreali “There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies and statistics.”

See the problem with statistics is that they aren’t universally appliable.  (This is a point that Mrs. Corcoran doesn’t seem to understand in her use of herself as an anecdotal rebutal, but I digress.)  What does it mean when you hear that career women are 30% (or whatever) more likely to get divorced?  Would it be better to marry a woman you don’t like as much instead while your heart is still with the career woman?  See, we live in a world of specifics, not statistics.

Additionally, often what happens when gathering statistics is that really you’re seeing a different trend, one that is a only incidentally related to the supposed trend.  To some degree Mr. Noer admits this in his couple paragraphs where he looks for an underlying cause.  Shouldn’t it be the underlying cause that we should be trying to avoid not just career women?

If I had to pick the appropriate attribute that a man should be looking for in a potential wife in regards to this topic it would be to make sure you find a woman who puts her marriage solidly above her career in her priority list.  And before anyone calls me a male pig, I would tell the same thing to a woman for the attributes she should be looking for in a husband.

See, the real problem that can occur with duel working families is that the priorities get out of whack.  The career becomes a non-negotiable aspect of their life even when it means the end of their marriage.  When the time comes for a tough decision to be made (and that time WILL come, it’s just a matter of time), what will sink a marriage is when one or both of the individuals is unwilling to put the marriage first.  Often you hear stories of both individuals being exhausted and never having time for one another, particularly now that kids are part of the picture, and it’s tearing their marriage apart.  OK, fine, why in God’s name don’t you do something about it?  Shouldn’t one of you take some time off work?  Can’t afford it?  Well, change your lifestyle so that you can.

See, in the end, marriage is all about commitment and being willing to adapt and make the changes necessary to succeed.  Anyone who isn’t willing to make those changes, they’re not going to be very happy in a marriage.

Oh, and before I close, raising kids is difficult enough with a parent at home.  Anyone who expects to do have children better be ready to have one of the two parents at home at some point or deal with the significant downsides of not doing so.

I’m going to be out of town for next Saturday’s Cal game.  A very important one versus Tennessee.  Seeing as how I’ve grown to be somewhat of an expert on avoiding learning about the game when I have to Tivo it and watch it later, I give you the top 5 rules to avoiding the “spoiler”:

1. DO NOT wear any team apparel.  This is BY FAR the most important rule.  In fact, you should even avoid the team colors in any form whether or not the team logo is on it.  See, the overall key, as you’ll see from the rest of the list, is to not do anything to bring attention to yourself and your current plight.  Some think that making an announcement about not giving away the score is a better strategy.  I can tell you with assurance that those people are idiots.  Making an announcement is like putting melting bucket of ice-cream in front of a two-year old 15 minutes before you plan to take him to Church.  It’s only going to end up messy.  At best you’ll only get “conceptual” updates like “Ken, you may not want to watch that game when you get home.”  At worst, you’ll end up having the final score repeated to you so many times you’ll feel like an old punching bag with a sign saying “hit me” in a boys locker room.  So to recap team apparel = billboard saying “please ruin my day”.
2. Do not mention the game to anyone.  You must pretend it doesn’t exist.  This is by far a more difficult task.  One can easily remember not to pack anything with the team logo on it.  It’s much harder not to glance at one’s watch and think, “hey, the game just started.”  And don’t be fooled, psychic ability exists and ruining games is one of the most prevalent forms of said ability.  You must completely block it from your mind.  Don’t even think about thinking about thinking about thinking about the game.  Do whatever it takes.  Don’t wear a watch, put yourself in excruciating pain (just no dental work, those bums always want to chat while they have you in their chair), do whatever it takes not to think about the game.
3. Do you best to make sure that from kickoff time until you’re able to get to your recorded game, you stay away from people with access to the score.  This can be difficult particularly considering the reason that you aren’t either at the game or watching it live is usually something important like a wedding where you don’t have as much control over the venue as you’d like.  But within your ability you need to avoid people who might know.  This means things like not going into the bar area at the reception where sports news might be on.  In general this is a great time to get bonus points with your significant other by hanging around her friends (who are statistically far more likely not to know that the game of football exists much less what the score of your particular game might be).  However, a note of caution with that strategy: Your mind might wander and you’ll catch yourself being caught by the psychic in item #2.
4. Turn off/avoid all forms of communication.  This is more broad than you might think.  The obvious one is your cell phone.  But you also must consider one-way communication such as the radio and television (ANY channel).  Trust me, it’ll be just your luck that while watching the home shopping network they’ll show a porcelain bear and the idiot announcer will somehow make reference to the big upset at the game earlier in the day.  Radio, even music (in fact ESPECIALLY) music stations, can be just as dangerous as TV.  Many a fan franticly driving his car home has been caught by the “DJ fumble”.  If you’re a car music listener, bring CDs.  Additionally, DO NOT check your messages of any form.  No e-mail, no answering machines, no faxes, no whatever.  You’d be amazed how many messages you’ll get: “Hey Ken, what a comeback, eh?  Too bad they fell just short.”  The answering machine can be particularly tempting.  It might be important, right?  Well, you’d better tell that to your crushed pinky toe that you kept smashing to keep your mind off the game.  Have your wife check the messages while you go to a bathroom out of ear shot of the machine if necessary.
5. Avoid the neighbors.  This got elevated up into the top 5 after my last letdown last season.  I was nearly home-free as we were loading up the boys in the car at my Mom’s place when her next door neighbor, who just happened to know I was a season ticket holder, nailed me with the casual, “Boy, tough game huh?”.  See, the problem is that neighbors need to chit-chat.  What better way to do that than to bring up the game?  He knows you watch the games.  So, the key here is to be in and out as quick as one can be.  Operating behind a closed garage door can definitely help.  But when that kind of planning isn’t in the game-plan, just imagine yourself as a cross between bulldozer and a cheetah.  People need to be thinking about getting out of your way with the power and speed you’re operating at.  This has the added bonus of getting people out of chit-chat mode and into run for cover mode.  You don’t hear about the game and the neighborhood is a safer place: it’s a win-win.

OK, that’s the top 5.  To get more detailed tips, well, you’ll have to signup for my masters degree program on the subject.  As a pre-requisite, make sure you read Steward Mandel’s article on how to watch multiple games at once on one TV.  The money quote:

I’m not saying this method is fool-proof, that you won’t miss some big plays here or there (though hopefully you’ll at least switch in time for the replay), but if you can manage to get in the zone, the one where you find yourself flicking from a 30-yard pass in one game to a third-down sack in another to a long punt return in another, it’s truly an indescribable feeling.

…in the ever continuing saga that is the Stanford band/mascot (if you can call a “tree” a mascot):

Stanford Tree banned from 2007 Women’s Basketball Tournament

I guess that in last year’s tournament the tree made a fool of himself.  This is only a couple months after the previous inhabitant of the tree made a fool of herself.  And from the article, apparently the entire band is indefinitely suspended right now for vandalizing school property.  And what did they vandalize?  Get this… their own building/trailer.

I’m beginning to think that the chaos they display on the field isn’t “on purpose” but just the best they can do. 

OK, we all remember Hurricane Katrina last year.  And many of us remember the talk about how global warming was to blame for all of these horrible hurricanes.  So as the anniversary of Katrina comes, one should ask, how many hurricanes have their been this year?

Answer: 4.

That’s as compared to Katrina being #11 of last year.

This is what bugs me about the global warming crowd.  They pick on one item as an indicator of global warming and use it to make their case.  Not only is the one indicator not necessarily fool-proof, there is also no counter articles written when that SAME indicator no longer helps them.  They just move onto something new.

So, this year it’s all about the heat wave that ran across America.  What you don’t hear is that high pressure systems (aka heat waves) actually have the effect of reducing hurricanes.  So, while this year we’ve been boiling (global warming!) the last couple years have been relatively cool which had the affect of allowing more hurricanes in the Atlantic (global warming!).

The reality is that we really don’t know what effect the VERY small changes in temperature we’re experiencing would cause.  We also don’t know with any confidence whether the small up-tick in weather we’re seeing is the beginning of a long trend or just a small up-tick.  The first half of the 20th century saw a small down-tick.  Furthermore, we don’t really know what causes these fluctuations.  People can point all they want to CO2 emissions, but we put out plenty of those in the first half of the 20th century (coal plants anyone?).  Similarly, we haven’t been able to track as accurately as we’d like other factors that could have just as large of an effect.  For example, some believe the sun in burning hotter these days than in the past and the various flare-ups (remember those fears a few years ago about a flare-up that was going to take down the communications industry someday) are a sign of that.

So what do we know?  The answer, despite what Al Gore wants you to believe while you put $10 in his pocket is: Not much.

I was reading an article about the recent approval of plan-B for over-the-counter sales (ugh, so let me get this straight: the low dose form (aka birth-control pills) those require a prescription, but the high dose plan-B doesn’t?) and it struck me (as it has before) how much the word pregnancy has become a bad word like cancer.  “Anything we can do to prevent a pregancy!”

Just another example of how the world has changed to see the family and new life as a bad thing.

OK, as promised, the cal sub-blog is now back.  This time I made sure to save the template files to separate everything out.

So to recap:

If you want to see the whole blog: http://www.thecrawfordfamily.net/blog

However if you want to see just the sports stuff (mostly Cal Bears stuff): http://cal.thecrawfordfamily.net/blog

For those of you with Cal related blogs who link to my site please use the Cal link.

OK, that means only 3 more items (admittedly bigger ones) to do before next weekend:

1. Create the “Bear Territory prognosticator game” so that everyone can try and beat my predition skills.
2. Start “The Crawford Rule” page with my amazingly simple “computer poll” to match the AP poll.
3. Make predictions for all Week 1 Pac-10 games (Cal at Tennessee, Arizona vs. BYU, ASU vs. Northern Arizona, Stanford at Oregon, Oregon St. vs. Eastern Washington, UCLA vs. Utah, USC at Arkansas, Washington vs. San Jose St., WaZoo at Auburn)